退廃的人生讃歌 / Hymn to a Decadent Life - Ro2noki
Translations used: official MV subtitles, and the lyrics on the Vocaloid Lyrics Wiki (though these seem to just be slight variations on the same possibly-official translation.) Unfortunately, neither version has a translator name attached -- if anyone can tell me who did them, it would be much appreciated.
This song is one of those that hits a little harder than I would like to admit. Also, I may have developed just a wee bit of SynthV Teto favoritism, lol. I'm entertained how many songs she seems to have that are basically early adulthood or midlife crisis songs on some level... this one, Liar Dancer, Headache, arguably Pathological Facade... I suppose she is in her early 30's! :P
Content warning: suicide, depression/self loathing, incidentally ableist language
How's it going these days?
Anything new you've been into lately?
I've got nothing but the shame of a vague hand-wave
and the feeling like my heart is gonna break
You know, I don't need you acting sympathetic
I'm pathetic, I already know
Won't you stop it and just drop the topic, please?
There's no need to rub it in, come on, won't you please let go
Fallen astray as time slips away
Identity and aim waylaid, I've
Finally forgotten why to carry on, the
meaning of life misplaced
No way, no pay, just say I'm a failure to my face*
Wouldn't wanna see you if I could,
Inbox full of unreads ready to erase
Oh~
All that I am is a nothing and a sham
Spend another day like this, staring into the abyss
So I'm sorry, please forgive me, an embarassment of an adult
I say, still berating myself as night dawned into day
And it gives me such misery, an aching in my heart
Oh don't you know that it's all gotta be your fault
Now everybody's looking, I can hear them as they see right through me
Clearly red-handed, caught in a bold and utter lie
But, smiling as always still I brushed their fears aside, oh
Right, right, surely it was my fault all along
(SUPER TETO RAP TIME)
Ah, should I even bother?
Why do I try to keep on fighting like this anymore?**
My sincerest apologies for all of your concern (lol)
The deepest of condolences for everything I've done (lol)
But this is just what happens when you run and run and run
And sure, maybe the hurting was deserved but
It's too late to do much of anything, I can't save myself
No matter what I do!
(END SUPER TETO RAP)
I can see it in your eyes, oh, please don't look at me that way
You know that people are so quick to repeat the meanest things you say
Those whispers of mockery and rumors born of nothing,
Hey, say, this one's really your fault anyway
But I'm a sicko and a psycho with my head all full of holes
A broken freak, a neurotic bundle of paranoia
A mental health pretender and a closeted degenerate
Oh, yikes, yikes, wasn't I just awful all along?
[instrumental]
And I don't even know why it keeps cycling inside my empty head
Just the thought, deep inside me, something's wrong
Innately, an error that runs fatal to my core, oh
Right, right, surely it was my fault all along
So I'm sorry, please forgive me, an embarrassment of an adult
I know my regret's not gonna help the mess I've made
So empty-eyed and dead inside I'm headed out today, saying
Bye-bye, see you somewhere on the other side***
So to everything and everyone goodbye, farewell, goodnight
The sky and the clouds from upside-down are such a lovely sight
And the ringing sound of singing never stopping, yes that's right
A hymn in eulogy to my decadent life
* This line was kinda garbled and weird in the official(?) translation. I did my best with what I could from the original -- the phrasing used here that the translations render as "exposured" (????) can also mean "disclosure", which made slightly more sense as a possible coherent phase, but this could definitely be wrong, too... either way I ended up taking some liberties to get it to fit the shape of the original.
(Then again, given the shape in question is "5 short rhymes in a row including a homophone", grammar may have been less of a priority on that line to begin with...)
** Another line that gets kind of mangled by the official(?) translation. As far as I could work out, it's something like "should [I] fight back like this anymore?" (but for using the Kansai variant ええんかな for いいのかな?? I think??). If this is totally wrong, again, let me know; I'm just working with what I've got.
*** Originally "see you in the next life". You could sub in something like "Bye-bye, see you next time in another life", but I ended up sticking with "other side" because it seemed clearer in the implications of the final verse for an English-speaking audience.