Yeah, I don't even know. Some people write songs about love and hate and human nature. I apparently write dumb songs about supervillains and OSHA.
A catwalk with no railings, twenty feet up in the air
Stand by the open turbines and let the wind grab your hair!
Fumes fill your unmasked nose, pooling cool and placid
Over a four-thousand gallon vat of bubbling acid!
Oh, it's the lair of OSHA violations! The evilest den of them all!
Evil healthcare doesn't cover mutations, better hope that you don't fall!
Your boss is a murderous jerk, and safety's never on call
And there's nowhere to report it to, unless you wanna be a smudge on a wall
The lighting's crap in here, 'cause it's meant to be dramatic
Don't complain, or you'll be fired for not acting like a fanatic
No breaker switches for the boss's latest evil machine
And if it explodes again, guess who's gonna have to clean!
Unprotected radiation from the centerpiece of the room
Good luck at sweeping up disintegrator dust with a broom
No gloves to handle alien blood, no PPE for you!
Count yourself lucky if you don't become a test subject, too!
Oh, it's the lair of OSHA violations...
The air ducts, per the specs, are six feet tall and six feet wide
Security sometimes pitches a fit about all the things they could hide
The crocodile enclosure is overly small, and getting rank
And the handler quit last week, so it's your turn to clean the tank!
Those open parapets are totally not up to code
And neither are your uniforms -- the goggles are only for show
There are no fire exits, unless you're somehow able to fly
Some days you wonder why you're even working for this guy!
[Spoken] Disclaimer: I definitely love working for The Dark Lord of Evil, who has great and terrible power and knows where my wife and kids live. I would never want to quit or do anything else, especially not defect to the good guys' side! Haha, why would I do that?
[Awkward pause.]
Oh, it's the lair of OSHA violations...
[Bridge]
So, could we at least label
Which inventions are explosive, and which are stable?
And have fewer moats of lava,
Or maybe properly feed the sharks?
Oh, Dark Lord, call me crazy,
But some occupational health and safety
Would really improve this minions's morale much more than
Falling to my death in the dark!Oh, the lair of OSHA violations! The evilest den of them all!
The healthcare doesn't cover mutations-- I'm not sure we have insurance at all!
Your boss is a murderous jerk, and the safety department never answers your calls
So just try your hardest, try your hardest
Try your hardest not to faAAAAAAAAALLLLLL [doppler effect, if possible]
[Musical sting]