dec 01 2019

Happy birthday, Jade. You deserved better.

***

Happy birthday, Jade. I'm glad Pesterquest at least cared a little. Even if a touch of the fanservice rang hollow, you had a moment in the limelight again, and a sweet reunion even if it was paired with the knowledge that it must never be possible in any form of the story that matters. I'm glad someone on that writing team remembered you and put in even a little goddamn effort to do your sorrows justice, and to write you like something more than a silly foolish child or a story-breaking powerhouse to be removed from the hero's side of play before you, heavens forbid, actually accomplish something.

I know that to some extent it had to be done. I still don't forgive half the execution. [S] Collide had me cheering most of the way, and pulling my hair with muffled screams of frustration as you fucked around misguidedly trying to keep two total strangers from fighting because they are partly your long-lost pet dog.

Jade, YOU are partly your long-lost pet dog! What the hell were the writers even doing?

Clearly, it would be too much if you were allowed to actually help resolve something important instead of interfering with some random fetch quest that was handling itself quite well, but I guess someone felt he had to find something useless to occupy you with to keep you from helping anyone else or accomplishing anything meaningful when you'd been out of focus so long he hardly remembered how to write you.

***

Happy birthday, Jade. I'm sorry that you, like the rest of the main cast that wasn't John or Davekat, got brushed aside and screwed over by the retcon. You'd think with a fuckton of rambling lilypad conversations they'd have time to address the whole "hey john!! i thought you were dead for three whole years!" thing, but no, clearly that wasn't important anymore.

***

Happy birthday, Jade. I'm sorry the Epilogue was an absolute garbage fire and seriously what the hell was that? That was practically Die For Our Ship levels of character-bashing, and they had the nerve to put it in the fucking Epilogues? Really, guys. You were given the chance at significantly contributing to Homestuck, and you went "fuck Jade, make her a total pushy bitch trying to mess with our Pure Perfect Davekat" and I just skdjgLKJHKJDSLKJ. I'm still so fucking mad. I. God, I'm fucking mad.

They did you dirty Jade. I'm sorry.

***

Happy birthday, Jade. If comic time followed realtime, you'd be 24 now. It's a shame you never were allowed to grow up in any way that felt real.

***

I miss Act 7.

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